"A lunchbox, who invited that kid?"
Those imortal lines from Toy Story, sent laughter through every child in the room. I in fact would have invited the lunchbox kid back , and twice on a sunday as this is a very good present, in the sence that you can actually use it!!!!!.
Party gifts truly take mums and dads to the brink of insanity at times, especially if like me you have several children, which means that storage space is always to capacity, certain things bought for one can be potentially dangerous for another, leading to the gift being packed away until child is out or in bed before it is safe to use without the threat of a trip to casualty at midnight- that one always goes down well - not., and of course on the first glance beneath the shining wrapping paper the first thought bought to mind is oh hell, anything but that.
WE have had 5 birthdays in our house (not including the dogs) since christams and are truly partied out at "pressent" - if you pardon the pun. I have listed my top ten party poopers and bloomers below, so sit back, think thoughts of screaming kids, ice cream on the rug and happy birthday being sung in every octave possible, have thoughts of smashy and nicey, da da da da da da da da da, and read on........
In reverse order, in at....
10. The puzzle: this one is usually bought by a mum with 1 or two children, who just cannot wait to see you in the school playground to ask "did he like the puzzle I got him", closely followed by "I got him the higher age group, as my Johnny can do the younger one so easily, in fact...." yes , yes, he can do this one tap dancing on one leg blindfolded, maybe he should try sudoku?. This is a classic gift from a mum of a small family. Nothing wrong in a jigsaw or talking about your kids acheivements, but as I have 5 of my own, I couldn't really give a buggery b*******s, if Johnny was off to
9. Books: this is a good one as everyone reads, and the children all like a good book. The only thing is we have received some over the years that have been on special from the supermarket at about £3.99 when you get a collosus book with 700 pages , what good value, and a great big pressie to give for less than a fiver with packing. But at 3 years old you cannot lift the bloody thing without a tow truck.
8. Skipping ropes - yes , quite a logical one for a little girl, but when they are on special at Asda you end up getting 10, which in our house get tied together and then lassooed around the two youngest strapping one to a chair, and cocconing the second. After this original game wheres off, they get strewn around the garden, buried in the mud, and stay that way until said child sees a sunny day and suddenly wants one, which after a mass search,(one of nine is all we can find as mummy has been discarding them weekly,), which has by now become knotted and soggy and bears no resembelance to the lovely glittery handled item she was given.
7. Lunchbox, my favourite, something you can actually use for a time after the party, great present, a bit sad, but great for mums.
6. Clothes: yes I can hear groans of boredom from children all across the world, what would you prefer young Johnny, an action man which you can tear its head off, or a t-shirt?, I know which mum would prefer. Having a large family myself, clothes are a godsend, as the younger ones all wear hand me downs so it is a treat for them to receive something with a tag on it!, and no stains. I always actually by clothes, as I know you can pop them in a drawer after the party and make use out of them, so in my eyes my money has been put to good use.
5. Sand art: I think there was a misprint here it should read sad art, does it ever look like the picture on the box - I think not.
4. Scooby - Doos, those hatefull peices of plastic string which when twisted together make a thicker multicoloured plastic string which has no apparent use at all. Apart from giving your poor parents bad backs from picking the damn things up from corners of the room every day and chucking them in the bin.
4. Lego/macano. Oh no bits all over the place, have you ever trod on a peice of this stuff, obviously the people who bought it have not, it bloody well hurts. None of my children have ever spent longer than 10 minutes in our house actually building anything with lego, throwing it at each other yes, building no. But then if I take them to the doctors, dentists where there is lego, they'll play with it for hours?.
3. Beads - beads, beads, beads, why oh why beads. A nightmare if you have younger members of the family, beads to me spell out more danger than what they are actually worth. My girls actually love beads, and I do so love the necklaces and bracelets that they make for me, but what a nightmare to keep.If they are not spilling out of the incompetently made packaging within an hour, you are doing well. We have the added addition over the years of holding a baby under one arm out of distance of the beads in fear of him choking, whilst trying with the other arm to make wonderous desighns with the other 4 children. Once when we had three, my son actually swallowed a rather large seal shaped bead, panic set amongst us, whilst I phoned casualty who asked if he was breathing ok, "yes yes" I frantically replied with my son perched on top of the kitchen table giving him 3 minute obsevations, whilst my husband threw beads in the bin to the wailing of the other child, the baby was fast asleep and missed it all but we checked her for bead inhalation anyway. Then we had the enviable task of checking his stools for the next 4 weeks, yes 4, to see if said seal emerged. It never did, but was very amusing for my son who was 3 at the time, looking round the toilet pan for sammy seal - yes it was named, but no we never found him, and yes again poo was disected. So think again all you pressent givers next time you see the shiny beads!
2. The runner up is, Modelling kits, The idea is of course a very good one. The mum purchasing the pressent pictures the birthday child sitting quietly with there mum making the model and then painting it to box illustration proportions, all grinning broadly and sipping chammomile tea - Wrongo. Whenever we have done one of these ,again it has taken months to get round to doing as there always seems to be something more important to do....., once model making starts, you first find that all bits are not there due to the fact it was opened on the birthday and not put back properly (or thrown away by me- oops), then after getting plastercast stuck in mould breaking it in two and putting it back together with superglue you have to wait an entire day before you can start painting, which in turn leads to more frustration.
Painting of course commences within the hour, with the model looking like a melted popcicle, and childs face resembling the same with tears. So after consoling child and putting the iffy model in the display case, praying that it does not fall apart completely, off we set to buy something in consolation, great present!
1. Glitter, all that glitters is certainly not gold, glitter is a wonderous thing in very small doses, but after a party when all presents are ravaged to see the entire content, glitter is a real no- no, On thing that always used to make us laugh was that my 2 year old could not say gl, and glitter came out as shi......er!, you get the picture. And so did we, glitter pictures in there droves, walls covered , floors worktops, yes that old glitter gets everywhere, and sticks to everything except the bloody picture!.
Please please , all pressent givers out there, stick to the lunch box!
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